i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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