Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
