break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
