So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
