Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
