She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
