I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
