Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
