I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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