Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
