i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
