The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
