the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just high enough for therapy.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
