So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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