All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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