I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
