I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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