Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
