The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
