if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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