Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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