Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
