You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
