I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
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Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
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Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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