I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
