Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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