her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
