Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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