You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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