pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
