Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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