Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dignity is for republicans.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
