peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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