No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
