When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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