We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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