I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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