i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
