You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
