I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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