my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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