Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
