I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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