whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
