I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
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Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
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Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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