I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
