So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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