my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
