**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
