I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
