So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
