Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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