Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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