oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
