I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
