The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
