ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He passed out mid-signature
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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