just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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