I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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