he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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