I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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