Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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