and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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