He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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