Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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