I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
