I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
