He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
