all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
