Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
