I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
