i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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