he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
