It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
