god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
North Korea, Best Korea!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
