I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
