I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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